"Red Sails in the Sunset"

I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT ENJOY THIS AND IT MIGHT HELP YOU GET THROUGH HOLIDAY STRESSES.

DR. PHIL'S INNER PEACE

     I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me and we all could use more calm in our lives. By following the simple advice I heard on a Dr. Phil show, I have finally found inner peace.

     Dr. Phil proclaimed the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started.   So I looked around my house to see things I started and hadn't finished; and, before leaving the house this morning I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of White Zinfandel, a bottle of Baileys, a bottle of Kahlua, a package of Oreos, the remainder of both Prozac and Valium prescriptions, the rest of the Cheesecake, some Saltines and a box of Chocolates.

     You have no idea how freaking good I feel.

Please pass this on to those you feel are in need of inner Peace.





A Definition of Stress


Quotes About Stress...

"One moment of patience may ward off great disaster, one moment of impatience may ruin a whole life."
Chinese wisdom

"Stress is simply the adaptation of our bodies and minds to change."
Peter G. Hanson, M.D.

"The time to relax is when you don't have time for it."
Sydney J. Harris stress quotes

"Worry and stress affects the circulation, the heart, the glands, the whole nervous system, and profoundly affects heart action."
Charles W. Mayo, M.D.

"There cannot be a stressful crisis next week. My schedule is already full."
Henry Kissinger stress quotes

"If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.”
Marcus Aurelius

"Men for the sake of getting a living forget to live."
Margaret Fuller stress quotes

"That the birds of worry and care fly above your head, this you cannot change. But that they build nests in your hair, this you can prevent."
Chinese proverb

"When I look back on all these worries, I remember the story of the old man who said on his deathbed that he had had a lot of trouble in his life, most of which had never happened."
Winston Churchill

"Stress is when you wake up screaming, and then realize that you haven't fallen asleep yet."
Author Unknown

"Every problem has a gift for you in its hands.”
Richard Bach

"Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are."
Chinese Proverb

"A crust eaten in peace is better than a banquet partaken in anxiety."
Aesop, Fables

"He who smiles rather than rages is always the stronger."
Japanese wisdom

"The mark of a successful man is one that has spent an entire day on the bank of a river without feeling guilty about it."
Author Unknown

"If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there'd be a shortage of fishing poles."
Doug Larson stress quotes

"Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save."
Will Rogers, Autobiography, 1949

"In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.”
Albert Einstein

"Slow down and everything you are chasing will come around and catch you."
John De Paola stress quotes

"The next time you find yourself in an argument, rather than defend your position, see if you can see the other point of view first."
Richard Carlson, PH.D.

"Stress is an ignorant state. It believes that everything is an emergency."
Natalie Goldberg stress quotes

"One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important."
Bertrand Russell stress quotes

"I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once."
Jennifer Yane stress quotes

"The field of consciousness is tiny. It accepts only one problem at a time."
Antoine de Saint-Exupery stress quotes

It's time for professional help if you find yourself trying to cope with stress in these ways...

  • Putting miniature marshmallows in your ears and humming loudly.
  • Using your Mastercard to pay your Visa and vice-versa.
  • When someone says "have a nice day", telling them you have other plans.
  • Making a list of things to do that you have already done.
  • Filling out your tax form using Roman numerals.
  • Taping pictures of your boss on watermelons and launching them from high places.
  • Leafing through "National Geographic" and drawing underwear on the natives.
  • Tattooing "Out to Lunch" on your forehead.
  • Buying a subscription to a sleazy magazine and sending it to your boss's wife.
  • Paying your electric bill in pennies.
  • Driving to work in reverse.
  • Reading the dictionary upside down and looking for secret messages.
  • Starting a nasty rumor and see if you recognize it when it comes back to you.
  • Braiding the hairs in each nostril.
  • Writing a short story using alphabet soup.
  • Staring at people through the prongs of a fork and pretending they're in jail.
  • Making up a language and asking people for directions in it.
  • Billing your doctor for time spent in his waiting room.
  • Calling up everyone in your address book and when they answer, saying "I must have the wrong number" .
  • Putting your toddler's clothes on backwards and sending him to pre-school as if nothing is wrong.

Family Joke Stress Relief Humor...

You know your family is stressed when...
  • Conversations often begin with "Put the gun down, and then we can talk".
  • The school principal has your number on speed-dial.
  • The cat is on Valium.
  • People have trouble understanding your kids, because they learned to speak through clenched teeth.
  • You are trying to get your four-year-old to switch to decaf.
  • The number of jobs held down by family members exceeds the number of people in the family.
  • No one has time to wait for microwave TV dinners.
  • "Family meetings" are often mediated by law enforcement officials.
  • You have to check your kid's day-timer to see if he can take out the trash.
  • Nescafe gives you industrial rates.
Rules for Stress Diets...

  • If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.

  • If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the diet soda cancels out the calories in the candy bar.

  • When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you do not eat more than they do.

  • Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER counts, such as hot chocolate, brandy, toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake.

  • If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.

  • Movie related foods do not have additional calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel. (Examples: Milk Duds, buttered popcorn, Junior Mints, Red Hots and Tootsie Rolls.)

  • Cookie pieces contain no calories. The process of breaking causes calorie leakage.

  • Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something.

  • Foods that have the same color have the same number of calories. (Examples: spinach and pistachio ice cream; mushrooms and mashed potatoes.)

  • Chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any other food color.

  • Anything consumed while standing has no calories. This is due to gravity and the density of the caloric mass.

  • Anything consumed from someone else's plate has no calories since the calories rightfully belong to the other person and will cling to his/her plate. (We ALL know how calories like to cling!)

    Remember, "stressed" spelled backwards is "desserts."   This is just stress relief humor, folks!



    Index to Stress Web Sites.
    Click here to return to Petey and Petunia home page.